stupid kid

The title says it all. for four years i galavanted and did what i thought I wanted, because i didn't 'have to' take meds. and now with a case of hurting gums, I was told that it may that time now... to take meds. I wanted that to never. However in the long run, in the run of things, i guess it was inevitable.

And I come home and I'm listening to Thinking of you by Lenny Kravitz, and I'm thinking to myself, is it that i have been running from myself? Is it that my former, friend/enemy/bullshit friend, was right? Have I been running from myself?

Maybe. Ii didn't think I'd get caught with what i have, I thought I'd be in the clear as I was trying to find myself in life, in DC. However, that was NOT the case.

And when I found out, I was ok, just trying to get through my uncles death, my grandmother's and still find who I am. I find that now, i was just a stupid kid. I thought I was invincible, even when I told others we were not.

Being 20 something does not make you invincible.

Nothing does.

But now i want to try, I want to try to be the things that my mother knew I could be.
Responsible.
Reliable.
A role model.
and someone that wants to live his life, with his family, friends and blood

i don't know--lol

I have to think....