beginning

so in the course of being in AZ I have come to find out certain things about myself: the main thing about how I am as a person and the things that make me who i am. do i have faith? Yes, but not in the same aspect that one might believe in, i.e. I don't really have a 'faith' just faith in myself and the people that I love.

I listen to queen latifa singing a jazz rendetion of 'california dreamin' and I see myself staring at the sun that beams in the valley of the sun. I see the light and I realize a quote that i said to my mother a long time ago 'my future's so bright, i gotta wear shades'. And in that I see there is a truth to it. I am not a creature to give up so easily by the misfortunes of being human, or forget that I am just that: human. I make mistakes, some really bad, some minor, and in the end I see that the only way to learn from them, is to just keep going and take them with them. But the truth is, no one needs to take those mistakes with them to the grave as something hoovering over them, ready to crash.

Sometimes we as humans are so ready to judge another person, that we forget that we are human as well, and not judge jury and executioner.

so listening to rufus wainwright, i find the beauty of his world (or words as more accurate) is the beauty that we all must bear within our own hearts.

I have disappointed a lot of people in the past, but do i disappoint myself?

no. Not anymore.